So granted it is probably fairly obvious by now that I have a certain disdain for most humans. Which is why I find it overtly irritating when these fools think its cool to come and sit with me. Straight up I don’t care if your Ray Allen and I can pick your brain about what’s about to happen in your career. Go find yourself another seat… unless of course we are friends or I know you in some way. Other than this trust me when I say, we are definitely not “two lonely would swimming in a fishbowl year after year“. As shocking as it may be I’m actually sitting alone because I have chosen to do so. Which is why I don’t understand what makes people think that for some obscure reason they need to come take a seat with me.
Yesterday I was sitting quietly on a couch in my university lounge and this girl comes up to me and says, in broken English,”I sit here”. Not “please may I sit here” or “is it alright if I sit with you”. No, this trick says it likes it a command, “I sit here”. All I wanted to say was “no, you do not sit here”. But I can’t do that can I? Because the second I do I look like the a-hole. But ladies and gents if you ask me she clearly is the pain in the…well you know what. After all I’m not a walking talking City Socializing profile.
Now let me point out for the record the room was not crowded at all. There was about 10 empty tables and another empty couch behind me. But this young lady felt compelled to sit right there, right with me, as though I look like a friendly inviting new prospect for her friends list on Facebook. Now I don’t know where she is from but clearly she doesn’t know the saying never judge a book by its cover. Because my cover may look warm and inviting but guess what honey boo… I’M NOT!
Unless it is literally the last seat available for your sitting pleasure do me a favor, go find and annoy someone who gives a **** (<- insert profanity here) about your boring life, ’cause it aint me.